Yesterday Was Mother's Day

Years go by and I often find myself wondering why I’m not so appreciative of my mother’s life like most some children are and if there is anything wrong with me as an individual.
But I’ve come to the realisation that I’m not wired like most “children” or individuals and that I have allowed myself to let go of my mother as the only person I can depend and test my way at survival techniques and see how far I can go without asking my mother for something.

But, why is it that I often feel like I don’t appreciate my mother enough? The answer ranges from a while to a long distant race like answer, which I often have to reflect back on a string of events that have shaped the person I have become along the years.

Truth is I more than appreciate my mother, from things she has done for me to the things that I’ve learnt from her experiences. I’ve become a strong fragile young lady that doesn’t reply on everyday emotions as a means to display daily appreciation.

So yes, different experiences shape us into the people that we are today, and it is through those experiences and memories that I’ve learnt different ways to appreciate my mother without relying on the instructions of the world’s calendar.

Dear Nomvula Cynthia Normans/Hlophe aka Mommy, you are a mother I’d never trade in for/as a friend because you’ve taught me the greater value and treasures that come with motherhood that are often lost through friendship, and I’m somehow grateful that the lines aren’t blurred, and I can walk around courageously chanting praises of what a befitting and phenomenal mother you are.

I often remain quiet, as though troubled by what life has dealt us along the years, but it brings me much pleasure to see your lifelong dreams materialise. I understand it’s not easy to be our parent at times but certain things you can’t control, though they hurt you, but you further realise that you have played your part as a parent, and prepared us to be better people, the choice to become a better person though, is something out of you capabilities, that individuals need to make on their own.

I’m eternally grateful for the fighting spirit you’ve instilled in me throughout the years and if I may repay you, it would be with a life well lived, a life consumed by better decision making, a life of living the dream. Not being wired like my siblings, I tend to do my own thing and that’s fine, it keeps me sane.

I do love you, I can go for a while without informing you, but I do, very much, I doubt there is any other person I love as much as I love you on this earth… I sometimes fear showing you that I love you because life has shown us that the good go first, hahaha, this means you aren’t as good hahahaha, kidding! But I do love you…

Mother’s Day should be on the daily.

Those Who Suffer

Sometimes being too determined to fix something you didn't break is detrimental to your growth and success. You spend your days stagnantly searching for answers to questions ringing in your head, that most people know not the answers to. Ending up bitter and lacking the understanding you need to move passed that situation and become a better man. What good can be done or what good can come from a bitter heart? Filled with all hatred that landed there solely because someone else thought their decisions only affected them.

Who will save a nation that suffers from the repercussions of their forefathers? Who will bring solutions to problems that came generations before their time? Man is suffering, their needs streamlined and weighed in order of importance. One gets to judge someones suffering based on who suffers the most from what is common. A cry for help, a need to survive. Is there anyone out there to save humanity from self-destruction? We need solutions to problems that don't flow through bloodstreams.

#DNo

"This time, like all times is a very good one, if we know what to do with it" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Death By Communication

I've come to the realisation that things really go south when communication is dire. More than other forms of contact, communication is imperative and the sole responsibility for most successes we com across in this lifetime, whether it be relationships, friendships or workplace related, communication still serves as the most influential factor in "making things work".

Basic Marketing principle emphasises the importance of communications, job applications emphasise the need to find someone that is an exceptional communicator, if not, at least be somewhat good at it.

Well... Lately, when it comes to expressing the way I feel or dealing with individuals that make my heart go klomp klomp klomp, I find it difficult to communicate the way I ACTUALLY feel, as opposed to what I want to feel...

Such is a lesson though, if it affects you, you need to express it... Preferably to the person it applies to.

Remember, No clear communication means we are in a place of disequilibrium...

The Fault In Our Stars

"What else? she is so beautiful. You don't get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she is smarter than you; You know she is. She is funny without even being mean. I love her. I am so lucky to love her, Van Houten. You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers."


This is a quote Thuto sent me yesterday **,)

Contrary to popular belief, we still live in a predominantly male ruled world. Common catch phrases like "its a mans world out there" continue to propagate such underlying factors within our communities.

Granted, I'm only young, still stirring it up and trying to find my fit, my balance, but even at 23, we have greater tales, though, not often referred to as "important", but equally viable as a measurement of male dominance within our society. Not only in the workplace, but the greatest display of male dominance is in relationships. Men like to feel powerful but often take the worst route to exhort their power.

Notably so, men always find the need to be right all the time and dare you defy them or deny them they "birth right" of being right, you are in the pits. We read and hear on the daily, on how young ladies are often seen as "stubborn" or "challenging" as soon as they stand up for what they believe in, often labelled unruly and "nothing like their mothers" often said to be difficult and disrespectful.

Dear ladies, if he doesn't treat you as an equal partner, then he rules over you. And need I mention that "equal" does not mean "the same". Allow a man to play his manly role, but don't allow him to make you feel less important than you actually are.

I've come to the realisation that, in this day and age, more than one guy would be willing to give you the love, care and respect needed to make a relationship work and function sanely without making the other party feel like you have him with his balls.

Love and respect yourself and men will learn to do the same.

Love Sponge

"Da Love Sponge is a person so sweet and charming not to mention magnetic and captivating, that they soak up and attract others, with their enchanting ways... soaking up love like a sponge.. hence.. da love sponge... A favorite pet can also be called a love sponge.. but is mainly used for ravishingly beautiful females."

A ravishing and sweet mannered female.. a companion pet that likes to snuggle down into your lap and be pet and babied.. awwwww.. da loooovvvvvvvvvee sponge!

 

Urban Dictionary

I finanly got myself someone who loves calling me Love Sponge, as much as I love being called Love Sponge... I've found myself a Jelly Bean, in forms of cuteness... My baby is worth my madness...

Love Sponge Lyrics

"Love Sponge"

[Intro:]

Got to let this woman know its real

Exactly how the rudebwoy feel

Oh baby, Oh lady (a big bad rhythm)

Yeah

[Chorus:]

This one is called lovers choice

Never know yuh woulda really feel so nice, (love sponge)

I dont wanna let you go

With you im in no hurry (oh no)

[Repeat]

[Verse 1:]

Lord you are lovable, kissable

Desire the inevitable

Without your sweet caress im so damn miserable

Touch your finesse, feel the fur of your coat

Seen you walk away saying my eyes in smoke

You are dressible, lookable

All the man dem after yuh

They claim you do something they just cant explain

To the brain

Your man shouldnt have no complain

Oh no

[Chorus x2]

[Verse 2:]

Hey slow motion is the way for us to enjoy the day

Always taking time to listen what she got to say

She thinks I be spending too much time on the beat

I try to make her overstand thats how we eat

Darling don't quarrel with me, It hurts too easily

Dont be messed up by silly tendency

No no way

[Chorus x2]

[Verse 3:]

She mek a caan forget about the huging and squeezing

Ah feel as if im upside down in the ceiling

Confess, this girl is the ultimate thing

What it means to be loved, no need asking

Swing baby swing, while I continue sing

Your favrite song

Let's go dancing

Hey, chuh

[Chorus]

[Repeat from top]

How Mandela Sold Out Blacks

Everytime I come across the below attached article, I find myself drawing caution towards those that present themselves as "Heroes" and that their mission is to make your life a better stay.

Guys, let us all be more vigilant, carefully tracking who we allow to infuence our lives, opinions, beliefs, values, character and so forth...


By: Youngster


Dear Former President Nelson Mandela,

I was only about 5 years old when were released from prison. I come from a poor background as a black child and I was raised by my grandmother. In 1994 South Africa had its first democratic elections; I remember people around me including my grandma were excited to vote for you and the ANC government. Sadly my grandma passed away before she could vote in beginning of April in 1994.

I understand that you had meetings between 1985-1990 with P. W. Botha to have a negotiated settlement. Revered late ANC President, Oliver Reginald Tambo, referring to your meetings with the colonial-apartheid regime in the crucial 1980s, said “Prisoners can’t negotiate their freedom”.

I have read that according to aged ANC veterans, Tambo seemed disturbed about senior members of the leadership including you, who could have compromised the organisation. He seemed to question whom to trust. This, according to those veterans, eventually led to Tambo’s first stroke.

In 1990 before you were released from prison you assured your supporters that the nationalisation of mines, banks and minerals were on the cards. That belief had formed the core doctrine of the ANC and was enshrined in a document known as The Freedom Charter.

"The national wealth of our country, the heritage of South Africans, shall be restored to the people; the mineral wealth beneath the soil; the banks and monopoly industries shall be transferred to the ownership of the people as a whole; all other industries and trade shall be controlled to assist the well-being of the people," the charter states.

It later emerged that you and other ANC leaders were busily creatively re-interpreting the “Freedom Charter’s” commitment to nationalisation in order to comfort the monopoly white capitalists.

The nature of the sell out

When you negotiated with the Nationalist had intended to oversee a settlement which guarantees the maintenance of a white capitalist South Africa and of the profits extracted from the exploited black masses, and leaves power firmly in the hands of the white capitalists for the foreseeable future. As De Klerk has insisted “I do not intend to negotiate myself out of power”. On the contrary, negotiations were intended to prevent the victory of the black masses. De Klerk had laid a trap for the blacks into which they were being led by you. Any so-called 'deal' made with devils MUST, by default, go wrong! Truth be told; you were out-negotiated by the Nationalists.

Failed transfer of power during negotiations

The negotiations focused on two aspects: one was political, the other economic. When you were negotiating with the Nationalists you choose to separate political and economic power. That was your biggest mistake and betrayal to black people. The transfer of ownership of wealth and land is at the heart of a transfer of power. Hence it was clearly stipulated in the Freedom Charter. But you chose to ignore that.

During the negotiations everyone was watching the political negotiations. You were too concerned that if the political negotiations didn’t go well there would be mass protest. People were not interested in the economic negotiations and when the economic negotiators would report back, people thought it was technical; no one was interested. (Lack of education) You should have known better. This is where we missed our freedom completely and you sold it to the Nationalists.

Failed economic negotiations and state ownership of the Reserve Bank

Mr Former President, your mandate from the people was to ensure that the values of the Freedom Charter were implemented including nationalisation of country’s assets. Instead of nationalising the mines you were meeting regularly with Harry Oppenheimer, former chairman of the mining giants Anglo-American and De Beers, the economic symbols of apartheid rule.

Shortly after the 1994 election, you even submitted the ANC’s economic program to Oppenheimer for approval and made several key revisions to address his concerns, as well as those of other top industrialists. Shame on you for selling out of minerals and land to the imperialists.

The outcomes of those meetings were that you could have the political power but the gold and diamonds would remain in the hands of the individuals that controlled it before. Have you forgotten what the Freedom Charter had said??

One of the most revealing aspects of the economic transition was the ownership of the Reserve Bank of South Africa. Arguably the most powerful institution in the country, its fate was explained by Durban businessman Vishnu Padaychee; asked to draft a document for the negotiating team on the on the pro’s and con’s of having an autonomous central bank, run with total autonomy from the elected government. Padayachee could not believe what he was hearing. He and his team drafted and submitted the document with a clear policy of not allowing the Reserve Bank to be autonomous.

He was later told by the negotiating team that, “We had to give that one up”.

The bank is privately owned and today has some 650 shareholders. Why did you let go of the Reserve Bank and let the imperialist whites take control of it Mandela?

During the negotiations you agreed that not only would the Reserve Bank be run as an autonomous entity within the South African state, with its independence enshrined in the SA constitution, but it would be headed by the same man who ran it under apartheid, Chris Stals. Another Apartheid era figure, finance minister Derek Keyes, also retained his position in the new administration. Mandela how could you allow the people who oppressed us to be in charge of the Reserve Bank?

Padayachee lamented that with the loss of the Reserve Bank, “everything would be lost in terms of economic transformation”. This is indeed true; everything was lost when YOU handed over the Reserve Bank!!!!! One of the Freedom Charter pledges is the redistribution of land; this became highly constrained with a new clause in the constitution which protected all private property.

Failed rainbow-nation coated myth

You have been preaching this rainbow-nation myth to the world that does not exist but only exists in your head. Reconciliation has meant nothing but black people `forgiving’ whites for 300+ years of dispossession, humiliation and suffering. I experience pain every time a white South African - at the shop; in a bar; on the Talk Radio 702 or online forums - says that “We need to forget the past, get over it.” It is like they are saying to us `forget your pain’. And that from someone who benefited at your expense! We have suffered racial abuse and our abusers are among us.

You and Desmond Tutu’s rainbow myth glossed over this pain - much to the relief of whites. Whites fail to acknowledge our pain and suffering - and their position as beneficiaries of our pain. But you were overly concerned with not rocking the boat as far as whites were concerned. That is why you are the subject of a personality cult in the white community than the black community.

Whites in this country believe that you are the only honourable black person while the rest of us blacks are corrupt, criminals, rapists, drunkards and uneducated buffoons.

The FREE & FAIR environment post-94 is another rainbow-coated myth. Black people are not free (unless you describe freedom as being able to vote and not having to carry ID’s 24/7). We are not FREE and very little is fair! All thanks to you Mandela.

The current state

Are you aware that blacks remain landless, underfed, houseless, under- employed, badly represented in senior managerial positions? The state of healthcare and education for black people remains as it was, if not worse than, under apartheid.

Vestiges of apartheid and colonial economic patterns, ownership and control remain intact despite the attainment of political freedom by you. Are you aware that political freedom without economic emancipation is meaningless?

The unemployment crisis is also defined along racial lines due to the fact that in the third quarter of 2010, 29.80% of blacks were officially unemployed, compared with 22.30% of coloureds, 8.60% of Asians and only 5.10% of whites. About 12 million of the population lives on less than R2.50 per day, whilst 16 million South Africans receive social grants.

In terms of racial distribution of per capita income, African and coloured income levels in 2008 were still only 13% and 22% respectively of white per capita income, compared to 10.9% and 19.3% in 1993. The income gap for Indians has narrowed, with Indian per capita income in 2008 standing at 60% of those of whites as against 42% in 1993.

In 1995, median per capita expenditure among Africans was R333 a month compared to whites at R3 443 a month. In 2008, median expenditure per capita for Africans was R454 a month compared to whites at R5 668 a month. Source: [Leibbrandt, M. et al. (2010), "Trends in South African Income Distribution and Poverty since the Fall of Apartheid"]

The economy has failed to create jobs at the pace necessary to reduce extremely high unemployment, and the education system has failed to ensure that equalised public spending on schooling translates into improved education for poor black children.

Final thoughts

The democracy has not brought what was promised, you as former president of the ANC and of the country is responsible for that misdirection.

Mr Former President what you have done for black people is that you have laid the final brick by selling out on the struggle to achieve your dream of political victory. Your dream which has become our worst nightmare as black people.

You sold us as black nation for a “Noble Peace Prize” and that is the reason for the service delivery demonstration and the lack of service delivery. Our Constitution hailed as the best in the world favours the Caucasians while it oppresses the Africans. Thanks for nothing Mandela. You understood the Kempton Park negotiations as a sell-out solution to rescue white capital and for the few in power, and that such a democracy would continue the suffering of the black majority.

I have a problem with people giving “Messianic status to Madiba” like a black Jesus when we all know that you have failed the black nation.

When I started out this letter I told you about my grandma who died before she could vote for you. Well, I am glad that she never voted for you as she would have voted for a traitor. What you have done is simply continued where the apartheid government left us off and dug the holes of poverty and oppression deeper.

Before you leave this earth I would like you to take responsibility and apologise for your actions and what you did to black people. You sold our land to the imperialists, if you fail to apologise before you die it simply means you are an accomplice to them.

When you eventually die and meet the likes of Dr Hendrink Verwoerd and P.W. Botha may you have good time with them and laugh at how blacks continue to suffer. I have nothing but hatred for what you have done to us.

Signing out from the deep dark hell hole of continued oppression you put us in.

 
Yours Sincerely,

Youngster 

My Winter Looks of Choice...

Simplicity at its best...

2Hearts 1Mind

2 Hearts 1 Mind, Me and My Love-Sponge

Ease

Chapter Seventeen

This is my favourite piece from a blog my baby introduced me to, ZuluGirlGoes2Jhb. Although I don't like her style of writing, and that she posts things without proof reading them, I genuinly find myself engaged and buying into her style of writing. Nonetheless, this paragraph speaks to me, I share this particular belief with her, the last sentence in particular...

"I don’t think as a girl you grow into a woman until you have experienced heartbreak and betrayal at the hand of a man. Its as simple as that. Men need us women to make them feel like real men whilst women need men to make them female beautiful and needed hence caregivers. Why were all these thoughts going through my mind though? I was a proud Zulu girl who grew up in a cultured home. I wanted to have a traditional memulo and didn’t even wanna wear a vest like what the fake Zulu girls do today. Nah barebreasted was the way to go I had always felt because I am traditional that way yet here I was breaking the shackles. Its so weird how with all those thoughts I felt an incredible rush in me. I needed to be selfish and not be dependant! When Benny walked into the car he looked so embarrassed and I must say rather small. Remember yesterday before we had shagged he had been this big muscular guy but now stripped off that been there done that swag, he was just another guy. I chuckled at the thought."

Compassionless

I've grown so hard of loving, thus compromising my ability to be passionate to my fellow man. Not certain which concoction of factors contributed to my current state of mind, but I am aware of the impact it has on me.

Today I am reminded that God require us to love our neighbours as we do ourselves. Would this therefore be a reflection of the lack of love I have for myself? I hope not cause self-hate is not a beautiful shade on myself.

So today I take the conscious decision of loving my fellow man despite their imperfections, and choose to be compassionate towards them because I know not their daily struggles. I will be a better person.

The Break Down

I'm scared I have turned him against his mother.
The selfish act of wanting to be free and freeing everyone who found themselves in a similar situation I found myself in.
Parents don't consider their effects on their children when they make life changing decisions.
What have I done? God what have I done? Did my contributions help or make the situation worse. Sometimes hurt people hurt people, was I too hurt that I extended hurt onto someone else without even noticing.
Its that moment when you don't wanna lose someone and your selfish experience works in its own favour.
I hope I didn't mess anything up...

Masha

I recently discovered Masha... She is FLIPPING AMAZING! I love her voice, its a true flaming husk of amazing!

I love the way I smell more than the way I look
I spend days on end tucked into boobs, sniffing away at my scent as if it were some form of a drug.
I get up, take a bath, get dressed, take a deep breath and reach into my drawer.
Every single morning without fail, I grin, and rub my lower face onto my chest just above the boob area.
"Jesus was brought the best perfumes for a reason," I tell myself. "Not even God likes smelly people," I proceed to convince myself.
I fell in love with smelling great back in the day when I was self conscious. I thought, if I cant steal their attention with my fabulous personality, my fat booty clearly wasn't going to do the truck, then I might as well let them sniff their way my direction.

"Because... When you smell good, you feel good"

Love Sqaure'angle

Sometimes jealousy just screws with me so bad I end up feeling so resentful towards close friends.
Knowing the guy you are doing is really into your friend really sucks, even though he also know you are more interested in his friend more than you are him. But still stuck between friendship and sex.

Well... Sometimes you find yourself involved in the most craziest scenarios and even though you try to find you way out of that particular situation, friendship parameters hold you down, trapped within barriers of no escape.

For the good that exists out there, stay away from men/women who are interested in being with your friend.

Fun - Carry On

I love this song with my entire being

Let Freedom Rein

[Black Thought]

We were carried here in shackles from the homelands

? chop, chain locked, brain washed, programmed

Time's change, freedom reigns, I'm a grown man

Holding the future in the palms of my own hands

In this World, the coonery and tomfoolery

All I'm trying to do is stay true to my community

The daily news aint the only thing that's schooling me

Watching these haters operating with impunity

This journey dollar signs, black and white collar crimes

Running out of time, out of sight, out of mind

It gets realer and it's real in Palestine

Troubles of the World start to seem intertwined

War criminals, conflict minerals, pillagers are coming home

And five star generals telling lies in press conferences and interviews

I'm trying to take back the power cause it's been abused

Motsepe Foundation

Apart from all the rumours that flocked my mind as soon as I heard that Patrice has donated or is planing on donation half of his fortune to charity, I have found comfort in his acts.
At first, I questioned why he would donate so much money and to a charity? What charity was this? And why does it need over 12 billion in Rands to be a success? I had a mental political struggle in my head.
But now I am awoken by a pleasant perspective, imagining how much of a difference 12 billion can make in the lives of the South African Youth, on condition that it is spent well and no scandalous "missing funds" Front Page news bulletins striking us ever third morning.

I am very happy that Patrice and his wife Precious, have decided to grant such a gift to the Country, Also nje, what was he gonna do with 22 billion rand nje in general? What more can you buy when you have acquired all that money can buy? I mean, all these rich people? What are they doing with their money, from the top of my head, without hectic thought, I think, to run a Motsepe house hold, shouldn't cost more than 30 Thousand a month, And honestly, R30 000 a month is someones salary and they have to run a household with that until they have accumulated more.

A good friend of mine once said, money? never an issue, its always out there, you just need to apply yourself in such a way that you make sure you get it. So my question is, what went wrong? Why isn't moving to eradicate poverty lines, unemployment and lack of skills required to sustain individuals in South Africa?
Some underlying factor that  prevails is the reason to why the nation isn't improving.

But not to spoil the moment, I'd like to thank Mr & Mrs Motsepe and congratulate them on their act of kindness.

Mane (My Menina)

My growing love and affection for this boy....

I still find Mane a bit of a tough case, strangely formed, God's Wild'out project (creation).
Crazy, compassionate and loving, with his roughed up edges and sweet but hateful self... I think I've manage to soften him up.

I worry a lot about how different we are in lifestyle and how similar we are in personality, but still remain very different... Well... Outside all of that, this is just a post to appreciate my Menina.

A Dull Memory

I've come a long way...

Life wasn't always like this. May tears I cried, not knowing what the future had in store for me, but still, I never stopped dreaming bright, big and exciting. I always saw the future as my sweet escape.
My mother sacrificed a lot for me and my siblings and throughout my life, I realised that I would have wasted her efforts taking the mediocre route in life.
She put me through school, with only her "rights" as an educated, know the rights of the students. Leaving her in piles of debt, I never looked back after graduating, just to take a moment and thank her for her efforts, I'd thank her every chance I got, every moment I was afforded, I'd thank her for being both a mother and a father to me.
Through my frustrations, I'd turn into a monster blowing fire on everyone I saw, but she was patient with me, wanting to make sure any failure in my life was my fault.
She raised me well... She raised me like a King, preparing me for a dry, lonely, successful, powerful, controlled life, I just had to choose which part i could leave out.

From the pain of waking up and passing out to an empty fridge or going to school with no lunch, watching other "friends" have their meals. Life wasn't always awesome, nothing seemed to have a happy ending about it, but I was determined to do great things, excel in all that I did and be the best in everything I had envisioned.

Now, many years down the line, I look back with a melancholic smile, remembering the paths we traveled as a family and the great we have overcome...

The power of a positive mind...

Springs Girls' High School Prayer

O Lord, God of Truth, whom to 
know is everlasting life and to 
serve is perfect freedom, grant 
that we may draw near to Thee in 
thought, word and deed.

Inspire us with the love of Thy 
creatures and Thy laws so that 
with patience and understanding, 
by honest and earnest labour, we 
may seek after knowledge as a 
blessing that cometh from Thee.

Whether it be our part to teach or 
to learn, to rule or obey, make us 
feel Thy presence in our several 
duties, filling us with reverence for 
the beauty and wonder of Thy 
universe, and pouring on us a 
spirit of justice, gentleness and 
mutual goodwill.

Thus, by Thy grace, may we so 
use this house of learning, that 
we may prepare our powers of 
body, mind and spirit to advance 
the good of man and the glory of 
God.Amen

http://www.springsgirls.co.za/PDF/SchoolPrayer.pdf

Dineo's Wedding (Generations)

This girl is so Beautiful, What a Gem!

8 - 10 Bracket

The motive is to get paid real money. and no, the motive is not money, the motive is to do what you do best that the moola flocks in....

2013 Plan

Usually when making plans, I neglect the fact that at times I lack self motivation, which is crucial for implementation. Also, at times, I overwhelm myself with unattainable goals, or stacking up and cramping multiple  goals into a short space of time. Being over ambitious may be the flaw of a perfect plan.

My motive this year, however, is to collect valuable qualifications. Most important, qualifications I can use to better my chances of become the person I was destined to be. This begins with HRM, yes! I said it, Human Resource Management. Second one, Skills Development Facilitator. 

I've always been a fan of working with people, and just improving working conditions as a whole. Learning how to do better for people, without them taking advantage of the situations. I developed this kind of interest from my university study of Industrial and Economical Sociology, studying the sociology of work and Industrial Relations.

From studying theorists like Marks and Engels, who had a convoluted view about nature, and how happy endings come from destructions, isn't my idea of a chosen way of employment, but, however, they have shaped my ways of thinking. I do believe in good things that seem highly unachievable, happening, from simply self-struggle, and a change or a shift in views about things.

So the plan is simple, I simply want to do better, and from doing better, I will become better. 

For me, the most inspiring person I've come across, was a friend that everyone looked down upon, who actually seems more crazy and irrational than most of us, my friend Zamo. She went from a confused state, and managed to make it into honours and now a masters student, by simply not knowing what the hell she was doing, but still, nonetheless, wanted to be better than herself. 

Truth is, we all don't know where the future will take us, and how things can change in no time, but its great to fell hopeful again, and to come up with a plan that seem doable.

Thank God for the inspiring conversations I have with him through myself. Significant understanding of how he dwells in me without me even knowing or acknowledging him in my life.

2013.... HRM and SDF... (Plus drivers license and all other life improvement achievements that come with it)

Muffinz Live - Sound Check

4AM - Melanie Fiona

Please & Entertain

But Either way, the objective is the same
To Please and Entertain
You will be my vixen

My bed'll be your stage

We will get the spotlight all night

Each and every time we play

You will be my vixen

As we improvise

Delivering a captivating performance every time

Miguel  - Vixen

Latest Obsession

Motive: PLEASE and ENTERTAIN

My newly found obsession is googling how to improve my performance. Its been the most consuming habit of all time, always trying to figure out how to do better, how to torture and punish, how to seduce and lead, how to submit and be taken, I just cant seem to get enough.

I really find it important that as individuals, once you have committed to getting something done, you must do it like you invented it. Own the movement, perfect it and create new ways of moving the same way.

Like I stated, the motive really is to please and entertain....

#AFCON 2013

Like Thabo Mbeki said, "I am an African" 

Despite me being South African, I am a big fan of Côte d’Ivoire

I find them insanely awesome, featuring the likes of Drogba! Yup! this is my AFCON 2013 Winning TEAM!!!! 

Blah Blah Blah

I do have a lot to say lately, strange enough. But then again, I guess that what happens when you have a lot going on in your life and you cant seem to find the time to pen it all down into reasoning thoughts.

I mean, what could I possibly have to say for such a long time??? I spend most of my time between work, sleep and bbm, while I convince myself I'm watching a little bit of tv or a movie and more than often, series. But funny enough, conversation keeps flowing and if someone else is busy, then someone else will pick up conversation with me, so I'm never out of words to type.

Guess I'm doing something right, or maybe I'm just fun to talk to, oh well... I'll never know for certain cause people do things for a vast, a many different reasons.
Oh yeah, and I am super grateful I am not a receptionist, that kind of a job, can be even more overwhelming for someone who loves the sound of their own voice.

Weight Loss

My growing desire  and obsession with weight loss has got me losing my mind really, I'm forever trying to find a cheap and quick way to kill body fat and keep it gone, but my motivation only last me till I'm on my period and in no position to be flexing all over the house.

I've watched my siblings lose weight and have always wondered what I was doing wrong. To the point where I have quit alcohol and soon, I'll stop eating meat, and before you know it, I will stop eating completely...

But I've never been successful at harming myself by not eating as opposed to harming it more by stuffing my face. I think The shocking image of my body wobbling and moving with everything that moves only benefits the depression side of being myself, apart from that, life just keeps going as it was before, maybe a day lag or depression and self hate but tomorrow, its all systems go.

I really should find a fun way to decrease body fat... I think that will be beneficial  like back at university, when I could attend aerobics and spinning classes, proper ribbed thigh action, abs everything! Oh well... soon life shall develop me into an awesome piece of human.

Discoveries

For most of my youth, I never really cared why I had so many male friends but they just stuck around.
Till some guy that was asking me out found it rather abnormal, The shock of my life when I realised that most of the guys that I had FRIENDZONED *hides* actually wanted to have sex, date or marry me. So this raises the question, can men ever be friends with females without intentions?

Mara But Why

I have a few ideas on how I can make 30minutes of my life count and probably make me a lot of money.
Understanding that this is a public forum, I will refrain from publishing the intrinsic detailing about my idea but I'm sure I'd like to tap into the mind of the youth in South Africa... But before all goes to the West, I ought to get myself in proper shape!

Good Old Days

I find myself reminiscing about the good old days and how things would work if I kept the same crowd and if I really miss that life or not. Truth of the matter is, as individuals, we never want to forget where we come from, or who we knew before we became who we are.

The progression of life, always takes us back to our origins, some memories filled with sorrow, but generally a happy time, once upon a time. But, do I wanna go back? Maybe not, well, at least most of the time its MAYBE NOT.

When I think about the Chain of Authority and my place in the food chain, not so pleasing. I wasn't much of a push-over, and I don't ever remember allowing anyone to walk all over me, in actual fact, I was usually the one that bullied friends into doing things my way. But lessons learnt have made me value the opinion of others and their choices to go against my will, without actually lying to me.

Come to think, the past is dreadful. The memory of lying friends and pretense and false representation, I'm better off in the present time. I do however appreciate the fact that my day was never empty, I was never without anything to do and the minor but important issue of being sober throughout the process.

Growing up is about appreciating what the past has made you achieve, but its isn't about regrets and guilt about leaving your old friends. Apart from church politics and lies about being who you really are, the past has allowed me to dream, something the present lacks, but we grow to learn and appreciate so I look forward to improving as a new being and correcting where I lack as an individual.

-

My Best Friend Sbu

Co-dependent beings we are. I doubt in my entire life, have I ever come across someone like this guy. We live an imbalanced balancing life and I still have no idea how we get it done. I love my Sbu sooooooo much, I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world, not even some good smashing with The Hulk (Ssshhhh don't tell).

I owe a lot of my peaceful nature from him, God knows how troubled we are as individuals but Sbu has it all figured out. Keeps me grounded, and knows me better than anyone else, even if he didn't, he'd still come out top of the masses.

I don't think I know anyone who loves me as much as this guy loves me. No one in the world loves me more than Sbu, even my mom, she doesn't love me like Sbu, its just too special. Well, not that he can love me like my mother loves me with, but it makes sense. So patient, kind and selfless and individual he is. He is pretty retarded though. I mean, I would sooooooo take him to the psychiatric ward, if I was starving and all, you know, only just to eat, then I'd fight to go rescue him.

MY LORD SIBUSISO MAHLANGU is soooooooooo INAPPROPRIATE!! Well, I guess I started the trend really, but he seemed to be easy to talk to when I first met him. Well, our friendship started in the strangest manner, me, mama Africa, looking after a sickly alcoholic. Oh YES!!! I SAID IT!!! A sickly alcoholic one random night in PTA... From there, I never looked back, also cause my English was better than everyone else's English in the room... I had to stand out, He was the only other snob in the room, he knew from that day, "Thats my kind of the person".

Gosh... I went through a phase, calling him Bula.... What a joy this memory brings... I still have no idea as to why I kept calling him that but it made absolute sense and he didn't seem to mind it. Thinking back, calling him Bula now, seriously doesn't make sense to me, but its cute.

I know what having a real, true, caring friend feels like, who values my opinion, and trusts me. Also knowing that I have "trusty shoes" He happens to one of the few men I can trust with my life, and that to me, is what means we are co-dependant, apart from his reminders when I have an interview I forgot about, he really happens to be the only person I know who has been a constant and knows how to read between the lines of what I'm saying.

So, this, is a dear shout-out to the best man that's ever lived during my era....

Small Things

• Music
• An unexpected kiss
• When someone values your opinion
• A hand written letter
• Watching someone describe their passion
• Long Weekends
• Being told you are loved
• A smile from across the room
• When someone remembers small detail about you
• Realising you have lost weight
• A bacon, cheese and egg sandwich
• Music on a bad day
• Baby toes and feet
• A good night sleep
• Waking up and remembering the good things that happened the day before
• Mbujumbura's smile and laughter
• Realising your crush has a crush on you too
• Realising you're not the only one
• Being the first to know
• Beating a personal record
• Breakfast in BED
• SPOONING
• Picnics
• A kiss on the cheek
• The moon
• Realising you don't have to wake up early the next morning
• Fresh Sweet Fruit
• A long phone conversation
• Finding money you forgot you had
• Playing on the swings
• Ice cream on a cold day
• Compassionate people
• The light at the end of a tunnel

PRAYER FOR PEACE OF MIND AND HEART

Eternal, Holy God,
I come to you burdened with worries,
fears, doubts, and troubles.
Calm and quiet me with peace of mind.
Empty me of the anxiety that disturbs me,
of the concerns that weary my spirit,
and weigh heavy on my heart.
Loosen my grip on the disappointments and grievances
I hold on to so tightly.
Release me from the pain of past hurts,
of present anger and tension, of future fears.
Sometimes it's too much for me Lord,
too many demands and problems,
too much sadness, suffering, and stress.
Renew me spiritually and emotionally.
Give me new strength, hope, and confidence.
Prepare me to meet the constant struggles of daily life
with a deeper faith and trust in You.
Let your love set me free, for peace,
for joy, for grace, for life, for others, forever.

Amen

Psalm 91

“Surely you deliver me from the snare of the fowler and the noisome pestilence”

A way to shut the crazy murmuring inside my head....

And you’re the desert sand, I’ll be your water

And you’re the perfect plan I never thought of

I don’t wanna do this on my own

And you shouldn’t have to be alone

I would rather be alone together

Be alone together

 

- Alone Together (Daley ft Marsha Ambrosius)

Sooooooo Real

He makes an effort in making sure I am happy...

I don't know what to make of this. We've been "together" for a few months now, and I use inverted commas in together because we not dating or anything like that.
so yeah... He really makes me happy though, then also derives happiness from me being happy...
I don't wanna think too much about it, or try to over analyse the situation but hopefully I'll tame him tame me...
 *singing* You've got the love I need to see me through...

2012 Shutdown

On any given morning, I wake up, check my phone, and get on with the motions of the day, but I've come to the realisation of how this can be detrimental to say the least. Life as a child of God always seemed like hard work but beneficial none the less.

A lot has shifted in my life, I've opened soooo much room for things that shouldn't even be apart of my existence and I've bent so many of my morals, it seems like a mission to move back into a realistic form.

Something has changed... I cant put my finger on it but it has changed... Its strange, changed for the better and worse, but its changed. Also not knowing where the change is rooted or let alone know where it is derived from. But change it is.

Apart from all my crazy beliefs and ways of life, I have learnt to deal with a lot in 2012. So, just to share a few of my realisations from what was labelled "twenty self"

• I've learnt that you cant convince people to stay with you forever.
• You may think you are perfect as you are but someone will always find fault in you
• No guy wants to date a girl who has too many male friends. Guys feel threatened, it may make you feel, as a girl, that you are very powerful, but guys really find it threatening.
• Some guys are little bitches with little screeching vagina's, in all that you do, try keep your shit underwraps.
• Work is a transaction, you are there to do your job and get paid for it. You are there to make new friends but it doesn't mean you don't have to get along with people. Stay out of office politics, work hard and smart, set goals and achieve them.
• Love resides where simplicity rules. If it gets too complex or too complicated then it probably isn't meant to be.
• The most strangest people are appealing and exciting.
• Differences ALWAYS mean one has to compromise what they believe in order to accommodate the other party.
• Just because you have know and loved each other for years doesn't necessarily mean that its meant to be. Some relationships are formed on trust but when the element of attraction is missing, you are a sucker for habit.
• Adventure doesn't always have to include alcohol
• The love of this lifetime is whoever you want it to be.
• Don't get into relationships just because you are trying not to hurt the other parties feelings.
• If you tell him you are pregnant and he overreacts and tells you to go shove yourself where the sun don't shine, then maybe they didn't love you as much as they though they did
• EVERY SINGLE GUY "FRIEND YOU HAVE HAS THOUGHT ABOUT BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU OR HAS FUCKED YOU (in his sleep). OR SERIOUSLY WANTS TO FUCK YOU.
• One night stands NEED to stay as that... don't make habits out of sleeping with random strangers and doing stupid things.
• Alcohol WILL ALWAYS make the day THAT much eventful....
• Have no regrets, love fully and expect nothing

I've learnt more than this, but for now... I must say, this is a handful, and some only learn all of this in December alone...

"Love exists, you just have to turn your taxi light on and be available. That means you have to kick out the passengers that aren't paying the full fare first."

-Erin Joy Henry

What Your Man Does

I think some guys truly have no respect for their relationships, more so, their partners.
There has been this serious incline of men who are in relationships who keep asking me out or simply put, want to smash!

I mean, for someone who is not so trusting as I am, I'd like to be led under the belief that there are a couple of good men left out there.

Why bother getting into a relationship, wasting time like that asking out other people? You could've just stayed single throughout the entire process. Can this be seen as a cry for help? Or is this just a standard way of displaying how humans are never satisfied with what they have?

Something has got to give cause the future seems barren, and unable to birth a trustworthy individual.