Sooooooo Real

He makes an effort in making sure I am happy...

I don't know what to make of this. We've been "together" for a few months now, and I use inverted commas in together because we not dating or anything like that.
so yeah... He really makes me happy though, then also derives happiness from me being happy...
I don't wanna think too much about it, or try to over analyse the situation but hopefully I'll tame him tame me...
 *singing* You've got the love I need to see me through...

2012 Shutdown

On any given morning, I wake up, check my phone, and get on with the motions of the day, but I've come to the realisation of how this can be detrimental to say the least. Life as a child of God always seemed like hard work but beneficial none the less.

A lot has shifted in my life, I've opened soooo much room for things that shouldn't even be apart of my existence and I've bent so many of my morals, it seems like a mission to move back into a realistic form.

Something has changed... I cant put my finger on it but it has changed... Its strange, changed for the better and worse, but its changed. Also not knowing where the change is rooted or let alone know where it is derived from. But change it is.

Apart from all my crazy beliefs and ways of life, I have learnt to deal with a lot in 2012. So, just to share a few of my realisations from what was labelled "twenty self"

• I've learnt that you cant convince people to stay with you forever.
• You may think you are perfect as you are but someone will always find fault in you
• No guy wants to date a girl who has too many male friends. Guys feel threatened, it may make you feel, as a girl, that you are very powerful, but guys really find it threatening.
• Some guys are little bitches with little screeching vagina's, in all that you do, try keep your shit underwraps.
• Work is a transaction, you are there to do your job and get paid for it. You are there to make new friends but it doesn't mean you don't have to get along with people. Stay out of office politics, work hard and smart, set goals and achieve them.
• Love resides where simplicity rules. If it gets too complex or too complicated then it probably isn't meant to be.
• The most strangest people are appealing and exciting.
• Differences ALWAYS mean one has to compromise what they believe in order to accommodate the other party.
• Just because you have know and loved each other for years doesn't necessarily mean that its meant to be. Some relationships are formed on trust but when the element of attraction is missing, you are a sucker for habit.
• Adventure doesn't always have to include alcohol
• The love of this lifetime is whoever you want it to be.
• Don't get into relationships just because you are trying not to hurt the other parties feelings.
• If you tell him you are pregnant and he overreacts and tells you to go shove yourself where the sun don't shine, then maybe they didn't love you as much as they though they did
• EVERY SINGLE GUY "FRIEND YOU HAVE HAS THOUGHT ABOUT BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU OR HAS FUCKED YOU (in his sleep). OR SERIOUSLY WANTS TO FUCK YOU.
• One night stands NEED to stay as that... don't make habits out of sleeping with random strangers and doing stupid things.
• Alcohol WILL ALWAYS make the day THAT much eventful....
• Have no regrets, love fully and expect nothing

I've learnt more than this, but for now... I must say, this is a handful, and some only learn all of this in December alone...

"Love exists, you just have to turn your taxi light on and be available. That means you have to kick out the passengers that aren't paying the full fare first."

-Erin Joy Henry

What Your Man Does

I think some guys truly have no respect for their relationships, more so, their partners.
There has been this serious incline of men who are in relationships who keep asking me out or simply put, want to smash!

I mean, for someone who is not so trusting as I am, I'd like to be led under the belief that there are a couple of good men left out there.

Why bother getting into a relationship, wasting time like that asking out other people? You could've just stayed single throughout the entire process. Can this be seen as a cry for help? Or is this just a standard way of displaying how humans are never satisfied with what they have?

Something has got to give cause the future seems barren, and unable to birth a trustworthy individual.

Brave Heart - Lupe Fiasco

[Verse 1]

May the Lord have mercy on my soul

Forgive me for my fetishes, my purchases, my clothes

Allow me to catch my rhythm so the nervousness just goes

That's why I sound so certain in my verses and my flows

The verbiage just gets merciless, the wordsmithness just rolls

I've tuned into my pertinence, my purposes, my goals

The feeling when you realize you've been working for your foes

And the curtains have just opened and they worthlessness exposed

You remember where you've came from, where the purses was stole

There was nothing in the oven and just work up on the stove

And you blossomed from the bottom, yeah, you worked with it and rose

From nothing to a dozen and a garden now there grows

Tell 'em!

[Hook: Pooh Bear]

Courage under fire, gave me a brave heart (That's me)

Courage under fire, gave me a brave heart

(Yessir) Brave heart

(Yeah I got that) Brave heart

(You know) Brave heart

[Verse 2]

May the Lord have mercy on my soul

Like shows keep cushion where I land

Keep the devil off my heels

But please keep me on my toes

Like a reposessor checking for everything I drove

Like I owe, but I don't

Paid my dues from the go

Doing donuts in the dome, keep my shoes on the floor

Revered by the rich, plus approved by the poor

I been sped up where they sniff it

And screwed up where they pour

See I flew so way up high

And I SCUBA'd way down low

Put the top down on my fears

Put the roof up on my woes

I dropped that food and liquor to put you up on my stove

They shoplifted and stole

That just let me know they know

That was Lupe #1, now this version #4

And I still feel like a virgin me versus the globe

From the surface to the cove

I took on the biggest wave

And I surfed it to the shore with no pomade in my fro

Took the wood from the slave ships and furnished my abode

Now that boat is now my bed, desk, dressers and my drawers

Now that's a house of pain!

Plus I use nooses when I hang up all my clothes

Couldn't change up if I chose

That's me

[Hook: Pooh Bear]

Courage under fire, gave me a brave heart

Courage under fire, gave me a brave heart

(Yessir) Brave heart

(Yeah I got that) Brave heart

(You know) Brave heart

Brave heart...

(Yessir) Brave heart

(Yeah I got that) Brave heart

(You know) Brave heart

[Outro]

May the Lord have...

Mercy on my soul

shine Bright Africa

Glass Closet

Feeling so exposed in my own space... logic became a foreign concept.
One day the truth shall reflect its true self clear from within....
I think we fell inlove the moment we realised how much we hate each other....